ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
