In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I need moral support for this bender
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How does one acquire holy water?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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