This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
