Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Life is so much better after having sex.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There's always time for handjobs
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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