Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
