if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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