just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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