When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
