She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?