my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I queefed so loud it echoed.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.