Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.