i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
