i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
