I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
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Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
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It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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