Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
