Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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