so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
