dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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