What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
