so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
