about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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