i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Everything about him screamed your future.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
