now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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