Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
