K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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