Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
