so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
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Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
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Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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