This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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