do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
