So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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