Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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