I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
