if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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