i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
