i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
