So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
