is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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