90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
