does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
