i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
