Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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