im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
