yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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