Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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