he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
