Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
