My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
