don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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