Are we in a gay sports bar?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
