I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
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His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
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I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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