is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
