god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
