He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
