I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
