This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
