how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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