I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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