Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
