I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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