I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
