I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
