Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize