I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
