When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
