swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
