I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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