I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
