The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
