On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
