What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
