Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We had to coat check the pizza.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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