This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
