I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just had sex on a roof
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
