I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
