Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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